Word of the Year

My “word of the year” for 2021: a cautionary tale

It’s that time of year again. The time when we start planning out our goals and vision for 2022. The time when we get jazzed up about this being our year. For some of us that includes choosing a “word of the year”. Maybe you’re not into that and that’s okay. I wasn’t. Honestly, I thought it was a little cheesy, almost a “new year, new me” kind of thing. Insert eye roll here.

My attitude changed earlier this year when I felt the Lord drop a word into my spirit. In January (yes, I was a little late to the party on this one), I casually prayed a couple of times that, if i need a word, God would tell me what it is. I had been playing with options for this year’s word, not even sure I would have one. I took some quizzes and got “transform” and “overcome”. Those are feel-good, empowering words, so of course I got a little excited about this being my year to transform and overcome! Who doesn’t want that, right? But they just didn’t resonate with me. 

Then I felt Him say “undone”.

Undone?! To be honest, I was a little annoyed at first. What kind of word of the year is that?

Usually we choose words like “victory”, “intentional”, or “refresh”. Well, apparently not this year. At first glance, my word of the year seems pretty antithetical to what a “word of the year” is supposed to be. But then, I looked up the meaning and knew in an instant that is my word. The definitions that caught my eye described exactly what I wanted for this year.

undone (ʌnˈdʌn) adj.

1. untied; loosed: I wanted this to be the year all the chains were broken, liberating me from the things that are keeping me in bondage and unleashing every bit of what God has put in me. 

2. incomplete; unfinished: I wanted to surrender to to the knowledge that I am incomplete and be open to the ways that God is refining and restoring me, and participate in the process, not fight against it.

3. ruined: I wanted to completely destroy the desire to cling to what is safe, familiar, or comfortable if God is calling me to let go. I wanted to sift out the temptation to settle for anything less than everything God has anointed me to be and do. I wanted to be utterly and thoroughly ruined to living an ordinary life.

I wanted 2021 to be the year I became completely undone, so that was my prayer: undo me.

Has that happened? Eh, not quite.

Has the Lord been relentlessly working at it? You betcha. Like it’s a full time job.

Little did I know what I was asking when I prayed to be undone. Since then, life has thrown me some curveballs. I mean, like major league-quality curveballs. Some of them I knocked out of the park and others sent me back to the dugout with my head hanging down in defeat.

The irony is that it’s in those strikeouts, in those moments of failure, that I find the richest soil to examine my spiritual roots. These are the times when God holds up a mirror so that we can get a good look at the best and worst of ourselves. To be honest, this year was pretty rough, and I saw plenty of things that highlighted how much I need this refining process I am smack in the middle of, uncomfortable, inconvenient, and irritating though it may be.

It’s in these moments when we find out what we really believe about ourselves and about God. It’s when our plans are upended that we find out if we really believe “God is good all the time” (church folk, help me out here: “All the time, God is good.”). You find out if you believe He’s always with you (Matthew 28:20) when you feel completely alone. You find out if you trust in His timing (Habakkuk 2:3) when you feel like you’ve been forgotten. You find out if you believe His way is sovereign (Isaiah 55: 8-9) when you step out in faith only to look ridiculous and have no idea what to do next. Well, my answers certainly weren’t going to get me into the Hebrew’s Faith Hall of Fame. In fact, I was frustrated, even embarrassed by some of what I saw as I reflected on my words and actions in times of trial.  

I’ll be honest; as the events of this year continued to unfold, I began to regret asking to be undone.

Nope. Stop. Redo me. I quit.

I can’t tell you how many times I prayed something to that effect – sometimes through tears or gritted teeth. Sometimes as an exasperated whisper and other times at the top of my lungs.

In all my well-meaning eagerness, I thought that I was ready for my next season but, for some reason, God was holding up the process. Let’s goooo. Let’s do this. But Proverbs 21:2 tells us that we might think our ways are right, but the Lord knows our hearts. He alone knows what needs to happen in me for me to truly be ready to be released into my calling. As He showed me some of what He saw in my heart – things that have the potential to hurt me or hurt others if they’re not dealt with – I realized I’m not quite as ready as I thought I was. Despite my impatient nature, I’m slowly getting better at trusting that the delays and the challenges I’m facing have a purpose which is to prepare me for my purpose.  

As Rick Warren said, God is more concerned with our character than our comfort. There are days when I wish God would press pause on that, but deep down I am so thankful He doesn’t. There is so much that I want to accomplish in the time I’m here, but these trials have revealed aspects of my character that still need to be refined if I’m going to withstand the pressure that comes with the kind of work that I want to and am called to do. I know that I’m called to walk with the hurting as they journey with Jesus toward healing but that carries with it the responsibility of protecting people who are vulnerable. If I’m not whole and wholly dependent on God, people could get hurt and God knows I would be crushed by the weight of bringing harm to someone who needed help. If hardships and challenges are what keeps that from happening, then I guess that’s what we’re doing. Again.

As I submit to this preparation process, my prayer continues to be that of Psalm 19:14: Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer. I don’t want to be released before I’m ready. I want my mouth to proclaim and my heart to reflect His goodness even in midst of trials, so I continue to pray to be…undone.  

I haven’t decided if I’m keeping this as my “word of the year” for 2022. Maybe I’m ready for a fresh word, but I have a feeling God isn’t done with this one.

If you have your word for 2022, I’d love to hear it! Drop it in the comments and, if you’d like to, share why you chose that word for the upcoming year.

Until next time, friends,