This post came up in my FB memories today. 16 years ago. Ahhh…the days of freckles instead of wrinkles, natural hair color, and when lining the lower lash line was still acceptable. Those were the days. Or were they?
I’ve been reflecting on this picture, on this person, and thinking about all that’s happened since then. There have been plenty of dents, fender benders, and a couple of straight up head on collisions since that picture was taken.
The woman in that picture could never have imagined the road that brought her from there to here…from being her to becoming me. If I could go back knowing what I know now, would I change anything? Would I swerve to miss some of the damage I’ve endured? If you know my story, it may surprise you to know the answer to that question is no.
It’s been a long road, but I’ve been learning to appreciate the woman I am now – scrapes, scratches, and all. I’m accepting that what I have to offer the world has been made richer and more valuable because I’ve lived through some harrowing wreckage and paradoxically come out better than I was before.
I have more strength, courage, empathy, wisdom, and understanding than the woman in that picture. I have a deeper faith and a more intimate relationship with God because everything I’ve been through has revealed a little more of God’s nature with every step. I’ve experienced His goodness and witnessed just what a personal god he is as He has led me through an intense process of healing.
Don’t get me wrong…if you look back at the events of my life over the last 20-ish years, there are many things I never would have chosen, but now that I’ve been through them and have simultaneously done the hard work and received the grace to heal, I wouldn’t trade any of it. I’ve learned to embrace the work it’s done in me and to harness the power of helping others through my story.
So, as fresh-faced as I was in that pic, I’ve accepted that every subsequent wrinkle tells a story. Every gray hair whispers of the grit and the grace that have made me into the woman I am today, and today, I can look in the mirror and acknowledge them for the badges of honor they are.
*The irony is not lost on me that I started coloring my hair again, but y’all…red is just more fun.
Prayers and affection for you, fellow rebels,
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